Making yourself think about anything good can sometimes be the only thing that holds you together, and keeps you from falling apart.
Connecting with gratitude in the midst of infertility, can be really hard!
Feeling grateful while experiencing infertility during the holidays Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Mother’s Day…. Can feel truly impossible.
I know. I was there too. During a time when I felt I was pretty good at calming myself, meditating, and getting into a state of gratitude no matter what…. I failed big at all of this. My husband and I had committed to being with the family for Thanksgiving (staying for the weekend) and two weeks before Thanksgiving I received “the news” that my sister in law was going to announce her pregnancy during the Thanksgiving prayer before dinner. I felt sick to my stomach. I panicked. I begged my husband to cancel our plans and tell the family we were too sick to go to Thanksgiving. I “knew” that I wouldn’t be able to hold it together and pretend to happy when the news was said before the prayer. I knew I would burst into tears and thought I’d probably vomit. We’re quiet private people, and we didn’t tell anyone about our years of infertility and the struggle. So, yes, I know. I really do. We did go to Thanksgiving weekend, and see the family, and I did manage to hold it together while I was around people. I just fell apart alone in the car. I did genuinely feel deep gratitude that I was given the inside secret scoop of the pregnancy before it was announced.
Forcing yourself to think about (or contemplate, or meditate) on the good can sometimes be the only thing that holds you together and keeps you from totally falling apart.
So what can you do, when you really want to feel grateful in these times?
It’s challenging indeed, but you can find bits, pieces, and moments of it, and sometimes you can even feel filled with genuine gratitude, if you let in. Like opening up all the windows on a bright sunny day, trying back the curtains, opening the blinds, and letting the sun flood the room, flood the house with its radiant light.
One of the nice things about gratitude is that you don’t have to be naturally good at it. There are countless times throughout every single day that you can try it, practice it and overtime cultivate it. It will grow with you and become your ally.
During a time of personal struggle, it can feel ridiculous to think that gratitude is a choice, but it is. You always have a choice in how you choose to perceive a situation.
Dig deep within your heart and soul, and you’ll find a part of yourself that doesn’t want to feel badly; there’s part of you that wants to see the positive light with your situation.
The Benefits of Gratitude
When a person connects with a deep feeling of gratitude, things change.
- Lowers Cortisol – According to this study at UC Davis ” Gratitude is related to 23 percent lower levels of stress hormone cortisol.(Cortisol effects fertility) “
- Reduces Inflammation – “Practicing gratitude led to a 7-percent reduction in biomarkers of inflammation. (Inflammation has a negative effect on fertility)”
- Improves immune function – so you’re beter able to fight colds and illness
- Transforms – Connecting to gratitude can transform relationships
- Stimulates Creative Thinking – Can give you the creative ideas that you need to change your situation,
- Stress Reducer – We all need to de-stress as much as possible, and gratitiude is one powerful healthy way to can relieve stress
How to Access Feelings of Gratitude
- Pay Attention – Give a focused attention to something that can give you joy. Sipping a warm cup of tea and focusing on the taste, the sip, the flavor fills me with joy in that moment. It might not be tea for you, it might be letting your body feel the sun, or moving into your favorite Yoga pose, looking at your wedding ring, Take a deep breath, and fully feel that moment of joy. Or just really deeply pay attention to something in front of you that could give you joy. Placing full focused attention on a person, or thing, for a full moment can bring in gratitude. Let it enter into your mind and body.
- Point Of View – Shift Your perspective. There is more than way to look at a situation. Ask yourself, how can I see this differently? Is there a positive spin I can put on this? Can I see this another way, maybe even see it in an inspiring way, or hopeful way, or grateful way?
- Physical activity – It’s incredible how much physical activity frees our thoughts and emotions. We can get mentally unstuck. Typically we feel better when we move our bodies so take a walk, swim, get on a bike, jump rope, dance around – just get your body into motion
- Breathe deeply – Take a long slow inhale as much as you can and breathe in the words “so grateful” and on a long slow exhale breathe out the words “peace.” The more resistant you are to this (meaning you’re really stressed out or deeply hurting), the longer you’ll need to do it before it works. If this feels wildly far away from reality, then do this for 10 minutes (it’s a long time I know)! If you’re feeling just a little ungrateful you may only need 3 minutes.
- Watch your words! – When we feel stuck, frustrated, or down, we tend to use strong words that reinforce our negative emotions. These strong words also reinforce how we perceive our reality. It’s imperative that you rephrase your words. Example: “I hate Thanksgiving, I have nothing and no one” Rephrase your words, “Maybe I’ll see if there’s a place I can volunteer this Thanksgiving. I’d like to make this year’s Holiday special” Don’t use phrases such as “I never had…” or “I’ll never have…” Words are powerful, they affect how we feel, and how we feel affects how we see reality, that affects whether or not we’ll have inspired creative solution ideas, and that affects whether or not our lives will change.
- Be aware of your emotions – There are numerous articles abbot how our human brains are hard wired for negative thoughts which create emotions. The way to overcome this is to have a higher amount of positive thoughts, some say we need more than 52% positive thoughts, we need a three to one ratio of positive thoughts (to negative thoughts) in order to maintain a positive emotional state. New empowering ideas typically come out of a positive emotion. If you can’t get happy, at least fight to reach neutral.
- Write – Write down everything that you can feel grateful for, take a close look around you and give some deep quality attention, really take it in.
- Contemplate – Think of any and all of your past successes, think of things you’ve done well, think of things you can be proud of – feel the gratitude
- Choose – Make the deliberate choice to feel grateful
Be willing to look at your situation differently.
If you can’t see joy or find gratitude look a little deeper
Mind – Your mind can empower you to new heights. Your mind can create new opportunities. Ideas start in the mind before they come to fruition
Sky – Reminds us of the infinite, life is so much bigger than us.
Sun – Gives such beautiful light to our day
Sunrise – Hold the promise of a new day, a new chance to begin again
Sunset – Gives us an invitation to reflect on the day, and reshape our actions and attitude
Moon – Glistens in the sky, reminding us that world has incredible beauty, and life is cyclical.
All things are possible, Open your heart, open mind, and let gratitude guide you.
Regardless of your situation, there are always ways to open the doors of gratitude.
Being thankful, feeling a deep appreciation can create miracles. It can lead you to new opportunites, give you new thoughts and insights, and guide you to a new solution.
Adversity can make us incredibly compassionate people; it can transform us, so we may be of real help to others. I know that I am a far better Mother and Aunt than I would have been if I didn’t have my infertility journey. I see the blessings every day now; it’s also easier to see them now.
What do you do when you want to feel grateful?